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 Compliments Compliments are tricky. You'd think that they'd be like giving flowers--the more the better. But they're not really. Of course, I wouldn't want you boys to stop giving compliments for fear of doing it wrong, so even outlining some caveats is a little risky. But I'm going to try. If it doesn't make sense, then just keep giving compliments and don't let these rules muck with your mind. One way that compliments can go bad is if they are too smooth, too studied. A girl will think that you hand out these compliments too easily, to anyone who wanders by. She won't value them and she'll even mistrust you slightly. Another way compliments can go wrong is if they are something about which the woman has an insecurity. When a girl knows her hair looks awful, she knows it looks awful. And if you tell her it looks good, then she will decide that you are a) lying b) completely insensitive to the situation or c)stupid. This can get to extreme levels if it's about something that's not temporary--the way her left hip is a full hideous quarter inch lower than her right hip, for example. If you say her hips are your favorite thing about her body, she'll think that what you really mean is, "Jeez, how could she be so disfigured? I'll say something nice and maybe she'll think that I didn't notice." Finally, too many compliments can become routine, and even lower you in her esteem. It's the Not Wanting To Belong To Any Club That Will Have Me syndrome. If you really think that she's the smartest, prettiest, funniest woman in the world--when she happens to know that she's just a regular human like everyone else--well, then, maybe there's something wrong with you. I am not big on playing mind-games, and you will note that I haven't suggested any throughout this tome, but I'm bordering on recommending one here. The fact is that people are attracted to people who are slightly out of reach. Don't keep repeating to her how incredible she is lest it backfire and make you seem needy. But don't stop giving compliments, ok, boys? Just keep several things in mind: 1) Make them spontaneous. 2) Make them specific to her. Nice hair, eyes, lips, brain--we've heard it already. Say just what it is you like and why you like it. Better if it's something totally unique--some cute thing she says or does. (I once dated a boy who liked the way I said "two." How endearing is that?) 3) Be generous with your compliments but keep them irregularly timed. No steady stream of fawning. - Back Duplication or reproduction of any use of these articles without permission is subjected to punishable by law. Please contact our webmaster for any questions. |
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