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Dating Rules :: |
by Karen Fox |  |

Girls Are
Crazy, Boys Are Dumb: The General Philosophy, Part Deux
OK, I'm exaggerating. But only a little bit. Girls, here's the thing:
no one else is in your head. No, he didn't ignore you to be mean. And he didn't
leave the toilet seat up on purpose. And he didn't know just how hurt you'd be
that he forgot you like chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, not chocolate chip
mint. (Unless of course you wail on him about these things all the time, at which
point, yes, he's starting to do it on purpose, 'cause you're being so damn annoying.)
Usually, boys just aren't self-aware enough to realize how their actions are going
to affect you. (Actually, people in general aren't self-aware enough to realize
how their actions are going to affect you--but that's a lesson for a web page
on self-esteem rules, so I'll skip it here.) So, explain what they did that might,
if they continue such unconscionable behavior, set you flying off the handle and
appear crazy at a later date--and don't go crazy until such time. Wait, let
me rephrase that. "Explain" is far too ambiguous. It suggests sitting
them down and telling them at length why such a thing as forgetting your favorite
ice cream flavor really reflects a deeper ambivalence towards you that makes you
question his interest and you certainly hope it won't happen again. No. Explaining
is a one sentence thing that happens the moment the unforgivable occurrence happens.
Do not steam. Do not dwell. Do not ask him if he did it because he's stopped liking
you. "Don't do that--it makes me cranky," should suffice. Now,
boys, all of the above having been said: you should know already that she likes
chocolate chip cookie dough not chocolate chip mint! Granted, women tend to overthink
things, but that doesn't mean you get to stop thinking just to even the balance.
(In the extreme, there are these boys whom I envision are something like cows--seeing
shapes and colors and little else, "Hmmm, green. Grass. Green grass, good.
Girl. Girl upset. Girl upset, bad.") You may think women's motives are unfathomable.
They're not, but if you want to believe that you can. But, the thing is that no
matter the motives, the actions are pretty consistent. You don't have to understand
why she moves--just take the time to understand how.
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