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 The General Philosophy There are just two things that people need to do for successful dating: control the signals you're sending out and pay attention to the signals you're getting in. Dating is not about brutal honesty. Brutal honesty is some self-help idea that leads to nothing good, I assure you. If you're a girl, you remember slumber parties where you all decided to write down the exact truth about each other--invariably someone ended up crying in the bathroom. Civilized people convey things without brutal honesty. I'm not saying you should lie or play games or be cryptic. I'm just saying that, when dating, people should rely on cues much more than they often do. So: do not tell them how nervous you are, when your last date was, how many people you've slept with. On the flip side don't put the other person in a situation where they have to be brutally honest with you--where they have to tell you out loud whether or not they're interested, for example. Pay attention and figure it out for yourself. Directness, on the other hand, is a good thing. Directness is about action, not words. Always act like you have every right to be doing whatever it is you're doing--calling, asking them out, kissing them. Above all else, be confident. If you're not confident about dating: fake it. You pull people into your reality this way. They'll believe you have the right to be doing it, too. You may have to come up with some tricks to make this work. One trick that works well: play to the cameras. The whole time you're doing whatever you're doing, just think about how you're going to retell the story later. Enjoy it as a funny story even as you're doing it. It defuses a situation and makes you realize that it's just not nearly as important as you think. Wait. I forgot. There's a third thing you need to do to date successfully. Take your time. There is no reason to rush anything. Rushing puts pressure on the situation and what we are most definitely trying to avoid is pressure. People run screaming in the opposite direction from pressure. If you are interested in someone, plan a long term attack--getting to know them, getting involved in some activity where they're going to be, planning a party so you can invite them, that kind of thing. All too often people get it into their heads that they need to know what the status of the relationship is right now. And then they throw themselves at someone, up the stakes and lose out completely. Avoid this. Keep it slow and steady. It keeps you relaxed. It keeps them paying attention. Both are good things. - Back Duplication or reproduction of any use of these articles without permission is subjected to punishable by law. Please contact our webmaster for any questions. |
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