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 Phone Calls Nothing emphasizes the difference between the sexes like the telephone. And I'm not talking about the stereotype that women like to chat and men like to have quick, informative conversations. I know men who will talk your ear off and women who insist on getting straight to the point. No, I'm talking about call counting. Women know who called whom last. Women know exactly how many times each of you has called the other over the last month. Women know that you ended the last phone conversation with "I'll talk to you this weekend" and then didn't call until Tuesday. Women know that it's been 4.5 days since you last talked on the phone. A woman knows these things and she believes they matter. "This weekend" is "this weekend" it is not Tuesday; 4.5 days is far too long to go without a phone call. And all her girlfriends will back her up that she is right. Hopefully this kind of obsessiveness ends as a relationship gets comfortable, but you would be surprised at how long it persists. Men, it seems, really don't know who called whom last. I find this incredibly hard to understand, but it seems to be true. So, for everyone's sake, here are some phone rules. Rules for both men and women: The scenario: You met someone over the weekend whom you would like to know better. You are in possession of their phone number. The rule: Call on Monday--at work if they gave you that number (work is low-key and demands a short phone conversation--both pluses) at home, if not. This is a short call that declares your interest (the fact that it's a Monday call delares your interest, by all means do not Declare Your Interest) and ends with plans to call later in the week and make a definite date. Much better to keep calling back and talk to them in person than leave a message, but don't go to bed Monday night without at least leaving a message that says you called and will call back later on in the week. Since you may be calling repeatedly, make sure to hit *67 before you dial to block your phone number. You never know who has caller ID. And while I fully expect you to call 15 times to make sure you get through, we definitely don't want the other person to know that. Some people prefer to be called at work, some at home. Some people prefer to call and some prefer to be called. Some people like quick conversations, some people like to chat. Pay attention and figure out what type they are. When you leave a message it shouldn't have 50 million phone numbers and all the times that you're going to be home. If they don't have your phone number, then yes you leave it. If you've left it before, and you're pretty confident they have it, then don't leave it anymore. Ideally the message shouldn't even say "Please call me back" or "Give me a call when you're free" or "If you don't call me back I'll sit her in a panic all night convinced that you hate me." It should just say that you called. Period. Rules for Men: A general fact: for some reason we want a phone call right after we've last seen you. It's the initial separation where we get insecure. So call that night, or call the next day. Then you can take a break for a couple days if you want. Another general fact: Not all girls like to chat on the phone. Or want to be called every day. Remember to read cues. A general fact for me, I have no idea if it applies to other people: I HATE being told exactly when you're going to call. I swear I will purposely leave the house between 5 and 5:15 if you tell me that that's when you're going to call. For some reason it's just way too confining. And I hate being told that you're going to be home between 8 and 10, in case I want to call you. Don't do it. I won't call. Just leave the whole thing open. "I'll call you tonight" if you must; "I'll call you later" even better. The scenario: You woke up with her this morning. The rule: Call her that night. Weekday, weekend, doesn't matter. If you spent all day with her afterwards you're off the hook, but must call the next day. The scenario: You visited for the weekend from out of town. The rule: Call as soon as you get home to let her know you got home alright. No exceptions. The scenario: You just got home from being with your friends, you're drunk, you're thinking about her. The rule: Call her. Drunken phone calls are so much fun. And girls like to know that you're thinking of them when you're drunk. This will also earn you lots of points if you're actually out of town for the weekend and you still call her late Sat. night. BUT be careful with this one. Only do this if you're confident that the girl likes you too and confident that the girl isn't the kind of person who'll get psycho jealous just 'cause you went and had fun without her. (If she's that kind of person you don't want to date her anyway. . .) The scenario: It's Sunday night. The rule: You call. Always call on Sunday night. Rules for Women: A general fact: Wow. I can't really come up with any general facts. I've gotta say that mostly I avoid calling boys. And they're all so different about it. Especially 'cause they all say that they love it if a girl actually pursues them, but then in fact they don't always. I guess I'll just say that you should remember to watch for cues. Don't take it personally if they get off the phone first. Don't go nuts counting out who's turn it is to call whom, but DO pay attention--if you're calling him all the time and he's never calling you, something is wrong. Any boys out there who want to give me more suggestions for this section, feel free to e-mail me. . . - Back Duplication or reproduction of any use of these articles without permission is subjected to punishable by law. Please contact our webmaster for any questions. |
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